Saturday, April 24, 2004
I just want to make a disclaimer about any religious babbling: the reason I'm writing about this, and thinking about it at all is because I find it so darn interesting! Even when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to go to church because I was fascinated by religion and what drives it. I focus so much on Catholisicm/Christianity so much because it is what I know, and there are some days when I feel I could be a Christian if it were but for some things which I can't get by, and I work through those in thought so that I can completely understand it on my own terms.
However, I'd feel terrible if anybody felt I was putting down what they believe, because in essence I think that my questioning and playing with moral situations pertaining to those beliefs should be taken as a compliment: I do approach those beliefs with the utmost seriousness, and I like to play the role of a moral scientist and throw out "what if" situations in all cases. :)
I'm not sure I explained this thoroughly (it was sort of implicit to me) - but the fact that heaven would be filled with people who didn't show compassion or love (since they are so happy) - that's the crux, because Christian people generally frown on hatred and lack of compassion (and rightly so). It wasn't meant that people who are in heaven DO feel that way - only if they do, it cannot be so, as the people who are meant to go there are not that type of person.
However, I'd feel terrible if anybody felt I was putting down what they believe, because in essence I think that my questioning and playing with moral situations pertaining to those beliefs should be taken as a compliment: I do approach those beliefs with the utmost seriousness, and I like to play the role of a moral scientist and throw out "what if" situations in all cases. :)
I'm not sure I explained this thoroughly (it was sort of implicit to me) - but the fact that heaven would be filled with people who didn't show compassion or love (since they are so happy) - that's the crux, because Christian people generally frown on hatred and lack of compassion (and rightly so). It wasn't meant that people who are in heaven DO feel that way - only if they do, it cannot be so, as the people who are meant to go there are not that type of person.
New update to my ramble yesterday about the nature of heaven and hell:
I could see the people in heaven being truly happy if their thoughts about hell were gone and they were not aware of its existence, only of their own. I can see that, and in that sense it would not be their fault at all. But there is something strangely sinister about keeping a happy population of souls under mass control by NOT telling them about the rest of them.
In other news, worst migraine ever, or at least one of the longer-lasting ones I've had in a while... I'm hoping to get rid of it today at least...
I could see the people in heaven being truly happy if their thoughts about hell were gone and they were not aware of its existence, only of their own. I can see that, and in that sense it would not be their fault at all. But there is something strangely sinister about keeping a happy population of souls under mass control by NOT telling them about the rest of them.
In other news, worst migraine ever, or at least one of the longer-lasting ones I've had in a while... I'm hoping to get rid of it today at least...
Friday, April 23, 2004
Wrote Ecology today, my last science exam. I just have English left - woohoo!
It was a bit of a nightmare exam though - I have a pretty severe migraine, but it'll pass! :)
Posting something serious today... Turn back now, if you don't want to hear this.
(It's religion-based and you might not like it.)
I have had a revelation today. As most of you do not likely know, I spend about half of my free thinking time pondering serious issues of religious belief. I doubt many of you had any idea just how much time I actually spend thinking about these topics. Today's ideas led through the Christian's view of heaven and hell, and I knew that there was something so horribly wrong... about the entire idea. Something which seemed so callous and cruel to me. I thought about heaven, about how the people there live an idyllic lifestyle as they believed during their life that Jesus had come and saved them. And then hell: a horribly fiery existence where people were tortured for all of eternity: a simple choice during their life had led them to believe this.
I was watching Oprah today (no, I don't usually watch it, or TV at all, but my mother was, and it was one of these very emotional episodes so I stayed to watch a bit) and a guest was on the show who had made a decision in her life just like this. She had left her four boys in the back of her van, gone into the house, and the boys had accidentally lit the van on fire. They were so lucky that they had all survived, but they were all scarred and the baby (now three) was so horribly disfigured that he barely resembled a human being - it's horrifying what fire can do to human flesh. I felt such strong compassion for this family, that this mother had made a decision without knowing the consequences and had been punished for it through her unnecessary guilt and suffering. I felt compassion for the children, especially the youngest boy, and I wanted to reach out and touch them and tell them how much the world should be supporting them and how much I would love to support them.
All this was based on a choice. The mother did not know what would have happened, but she blamed herself for the results of her choice.
Christians will argue that we have the ability to form this choice: that we know what the results are. The truth is, we don't know. Do we just go the safe route and choose salvation?
My problem does not lie with the choice. It was only when I focussed on how I felt relative to the family that I made this discovery:
I could never exist in heaven.
I could never be happy and joyful, knowing full well the suffering occurring in hell.
I could NEVER turn a blind eye on it and exist in ignorant bliss. To do so is callous and lacks compassion or love.
and THAT would be my serious problem with the conceptions of heaven and hell.
My dad put it strangely well today. He has become an atheist a few years ago after he almost died of cancer, and lived. (Most people go the other way - but he turned away from religion and found peace that way.) I want to paraphrase what he said, because I liked it.
If you don't believe in heaven or hell, if you don't believe in God, you value your life far more than if you believe you will go on living in a better place after death. Historically, the promise of an afterlife allowed rich and powerful men to coherce people to lay down their lives in their service, in the promise that their deeds would earn them a place after.
But if there is no after, if there is no continuance, and if this one life is all that we have, all that we are given at birth, then we must value it so much more.
All that people say about atheists having no moral code goes out the window here. We have ourselves to guide us, our minds. If we value our lives more, then there is no need to rush to war, or to destroy other people or their one life that they were lucky enough to receive. If we only have one, it is worth so much more, you can value it so much more, and it is just that much more of, to use the term, miracle. The other aspect is a tremendous appreciation for everything, and a resilience to overcome all those things which can plague us in this one life. For if there is only one, and all else is only dust, then this life is the most valuable thing any person can have. And when it is gone, it is necessary to value that life for what it was.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
OH god - I was overconfident - I'm doomed for entomology - I don't trust my body to let me stay up late.
So much material and it's already 9:20!
AHH
So much material and it's already 9:20!
AHH
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
It's a shame, really. I was just starting to LIKE hockey, and watch it in bits and pieces, and know some of the players, when they lost to TO.
Pat on the back for the Sens, they fought hard.
For those of you who don't watch hockey, let me explain as far as I understand...
Sens have great players, play offensively well, and have a moderately sucky goalie (Lalime) - who, is good looking and apparently a great guy, he's not the best on the rink.
Leafs have moderately sucky players, included this little bulldog named Domi, but have a kickass goalie (Belfour).
So what happened: they couldn't get any goals in, because of the goalie.
So the playoffs are over, for Ottawa.
I still hope that a Canadian team brings home the cup though. It would be nice after all that Americans being horrible pigs thing.
Ok: Americans aren't to blame. It's not the people's fault, since technically they didn't ELECT Bush.
Pat on the back for the Sens, they fought hard.
For those of you who don't watch hockey, let me explain as far as I understand...
Sens have great players, play offensively well, and have a moderately sucky goalie (Lalime) - who, is good looking and apparently a great guy, he's not the best on the rink.
Leafs have moderately sucky players, included this little bulldog named Domi, but have a kickass goalie (Belfour).
So what happened: they couldn't get any goals in, because of the goalie.
So the playoffs are over, for Ottawa.
I still hope that a Canadian team brings home the cup though. It would be nice after all that Americans being horrible pigs thing.
Ok: Americans aren't to blame. It's not the people's fault, since technically they didn't ELECT Bush.
THIS is a complete outrage. It amazes me how much the United States has degraded as a nation, and how, when they've gone as far as you think they can go, they somehow manage to get WORSE.
This camp in Cuba can easily be (and is) compared to a concentration camp, as the prisoners are incarcerated indefinitely, not allowed trial, questioned as much as possible, treated poorly, and die there. They are not granted basic human rights - and Amnesty International has made efforts to undo this process.
President Bush has written off the claims by stating "well, we are at war". I suppose it was equally justified what the U.S. and Canada did during WW2 - when they rounded up all the Japanese citizens into camps on grounds that they were "at war". There is absolutely NO difference... It's a shame that the most powerful men in America are too important to learn LESSONS from the most disturbing chapters of our history.
ALL Americans... Kiss your civil liberties goodbye.
This camp in Cuba can easily be (and is) compared to a concentration camp, as the prisoners are incarcerated indefinitely, not allowed trial, questioned as much as possible, treated poorly, and die there. They are not granted basic human rights - and Amnesty International has made efforts to undo this process.
President Bush has written off the claims by stating "well, we are at war". I suppose it was equally justified what the U.S. and Canada did during WW2 - when they rounded up all the Japanese citizens into camps on grounds that they were "at war". There is absolutely NO difference... It's a shame that the most powerful men in America are too important to learn LESSONS from the most disturbing chapters of our history.
ALL Americans... Kiss your civil liberties goodbye.
Monday, April 19, 2004
I feel absolutely terrific! As most of you know, I have started running-training, out of jealousy of all my friends being in shape and myself being a lazy slob. Also, I was determined to feel better in my body, as I was always stressed, shaky, and tired - and wanted to feel like a kid again.
The last few weeks have seen me swallowing my pride and running around sporting ridiculous outfits about my neighbourhood, panting and out of breath, with little children running after me and poking me with sticks as I lie on the grass in a sweaty, amorphous heap.
So far my personal best has been 20 minutes, and only on my last run did I do a "perfect 20" - that is, 20 with no mini-walking breaks. The secret to that success was a run on the treadmill in which I timed my exhaling with music to control the aerobic cramps that always seemed to stop me.
Tonight - it's a miracle! I was in the zone! I hit the 20 minute mark, felt ok, so I kept running. I hit the 25 minute mark, felt ok, and I kept running. At 30 minutes I could probably have kept going, but I figured I was already 10 minutes past my usual and I didn't want to overdo it - and possibly feel excrutiating agony tomorrow. I think I got the hang of it - I have perfect strides, controlled rhythmic breathing, and the (strangely more bulky) muscle mass to prove it.
The endorphins are a plus.
Next Monday, prior to my english exam I'm running for 40 minutes.
Bring on the half-marathon, baby!
Go me!
The last few weeks have seen me swallowing my pride and running around sporting ridiculous outfits about my neighbourhood, panting and out of breath, with little children running after me and poking me with sticks as I lie on the grass in a sweaty, amorphous heap.
So far my personal best has been 20 minutes, and only on my last run did I do a "perfect 20" - that is, 20 with no mini-walking breaks. The secret to that success was a run on the treadmill in which I timed my exhaling with music to control the aerobic cramps that always seemed to stop me.
Tonight - it's a miracle! I was in the zone! I hit the 20 minute mark, felt ok, so I kept running. I hit the 25 minute mark, felt ok, and I kept running. At 30 minutes I could probably have kept going, but I figured I was already 10 minutes past my usual and I didn't want to overdo it - and possibly feel excrutiating agony tomorrow. I think I got the hang of it - I have perfect strides, controlled rhythmic breathing, and the (strangely more bulky) muscle mass to prove it.
The endorphins are a plus.
Next Monday, prior to my english exam I'm running for 40 minutes.
Bring on the half-marathon, baby!
Go me!
The patched yellow sky, flecked with a dying indigo turned amber, flamed across the dying countriside, as all objects in its wake were turned to muddy clay.
After a bit of fiddling - took a nice break from entomology studying to make some format changes to the page. The new bar across the top is much nicer - I want to add another image or two though.
Also in the near future I'm going to reformat and redo my side bar with all the things I enjoy. But later.
I must get back to work for now...
Also in the near future I'm going to reformat and redo my side bar with all the things I enjoy. But later.
I must get back to work for now...
